I just saw a hot homeless man
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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