Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
