Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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