you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
