i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
