Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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