May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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