I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize