Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
