is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
