I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
