Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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