TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
