chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
