I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
