Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize