I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
