Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
