hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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