I'm jealous of your bromance
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
