maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
