In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
