just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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