IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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