You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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