First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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