Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
