JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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