Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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