I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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