sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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