Me too!
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
