Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i permit you to call me
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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