No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
