Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
