he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
