I'm really into asian looking animals
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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