my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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