1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
honey bunches of taint.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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