I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
