I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
