I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize