My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
