I just cut my nipple shaving
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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