I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
