I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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