we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
