i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
