I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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