I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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