I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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