I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
