I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize