i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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