maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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