Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
