After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
