Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
