it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
is it fun? or sober?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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