my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
