The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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