Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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