i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
