I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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