Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
