I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
